i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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