the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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