trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
