capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
