Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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