Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
