We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
