good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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