I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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