So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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