My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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