Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Are we still banned from the library?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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