He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize