We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
