i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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