Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
