Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
