I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
