After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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