Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
