Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
