So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
