I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
