actually, I'm a sock model
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
