So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dick very happy bro
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
