I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
