you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
