i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
