i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
