I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
