I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my being single is dangerous.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
