we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
