he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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