im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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