I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
even my farts smell like vagina
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
