can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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