I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
