Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
