Your tits are I can't wait for
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
