he shaved USA in his pubs
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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