how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
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steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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