She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
