Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
