drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My vagina just recognized that song.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
