i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You dont lie about slip and slides
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
