It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
