I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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