So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
