He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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