I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
this will be a night to untag.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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