why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You pole danced in your parka.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
