I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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