we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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