He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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