Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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