just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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