I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
