I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
