Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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