I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
