morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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