fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
