yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize