i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
