im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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