I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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