My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
