Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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