Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
