How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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