He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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