It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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