I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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